Sonder and the People of a Pandemic
I don’t want to claim to know you, but if you had been asked in January 2020 if you would like to live through a pandemic, I’d bet the answer would’ve been a resounding “Fuck no!”
Put more delicately, being a Person of a Pandemic is excruciatingly difficult. We’re all aware of this at some level by now.
We are chronically stressed, struggling to adapt to unnatural social norms, and feeling scared for the lives of our loved ones. Due to the degree of burden and pain plaguing each of our lives, it’s easy to get agitated with other humans. Especially random passersby or the customer service clerks we interact with frequently, but fleetingly. We don’t know them, we don’t know where they’ve been, and we will never see them again. They are simply a footnote in our despondent day. So they don’t matter — there are many thoughts of greater importance consuming our minds.
But each of them is a Pandemic Person, just like you are. They are dealing with immense hardship, and potentially great loss. Their emotional palette may be ranging from loneliness to extreme isolation. They could have lost their job, their savings, or a family member. Or all three.
There is a beautiful word called sonder. It describes the realization that all the random “extras” in the movie that is your life are main characters in their own story.
While the breadth of possible tragedy gripping each individual is wide, we can safely assume they’ve been negatively affected by the pandemic. And yes, this is true even for the privileged and the optimistic — all pain is incomparable and legitimate.
So smile at them! Greet them eagerly. If given the opportunity, share a positive word with them. Whether that’s a genuine compliment, a kind wish, or warmth in their general direction, there is always something you can do to brighten one’s day.
I’d be remiss to omit that this goes doubly for essential workers. Service staff are compromising their health for barely livable wages. It is easy to forget this amid all our personal stress. We should go out of our way to be sincere and patient with all Pandemic People, especially this enduring segment of the population.
Injecting smiles into society is an uncelebrated and under-appreciated form of leadership. It takes conscious effort in trying times, but it may create the interaction that lifts someone out of their depressive episode.
Whoever the individual is, making the intention to truly see someone else doesn’t only make the receiver feel good. It’s also rewarding for the giver of good vibrations. Try initiating a domino effect of positive feelings and see how you feel — I dare you.
And whatever you do, as you navigate through the world these days, remember that everyone you encounter is a Pandemic Person.
Photo by Jérémy Stenuit